Play your heart

And we're back....

...to Charlotte's happy sweet self again.

Our last visit to the dermatologist went well. She decided that it was a viral infection. It's finally starting to clear up. She still has random spots of the rash, and it's on the palms of her hands and the soles of her feet (doctor said think of it as working it's way "out") which totally made me think of those sole stickers they sell at the drug store and on info-mercials were you stick that sticky on the bottom of you feet and go to sleep and when you wake up and pull them off they're all nasty with all the toxins you released from your sleep, some Chinese cleansing something. I mean, she still has bumps and especially if I get her out in the heat. We were shopping yesterday and I could see the spots creeping back up under her armpit.


We went and saw John & Katy last week and had so much fun! We were at the mall and Charlotte started trying to say 'Katy' - it came out more of a 'taty'. The past couple of days Charlotte will sit in the armchair and watch the digital picture frame. There are pictures of Katy that cycle through. Charlotte will sit and watch the frame and when Katy comes on she points and says 'taty! taty!'


It rained a bunch this weekend. Charlotte loves to play in the rain. Yesterday evening it had finally stopped. We were all outside in the front. Adam was working in the carport and I was playing with Charlotte in the side yard, standing under the giant crepe myrtle. I couldn't resist. I jumped up and grabbed a branch, shook it and made water rain down, along with tiny white flower petals so it looked like a mixture of rain and snow. Charlotte gasped and looked up and closed her eyes. She held out her arms and squealed. She lit up with joy, and I felt the same way just from watching her.


Charty likes to be chased and tickled. She holds up her arms like a monster and says 'rar'. She loves it when Adam hides and jumps out and scares her.


Charlotte took her first shower last week. She escaped outside with Eloise while I was vacuuming the kitchen. She was still in her pj's. Next thing I know, she's in her pool, stomping around, diaper filling up. I pull her out of her bottoms and top, then I fling off the diaper (as it's nearly to exploding capacity) and she runs up the slide (it's set up to slide into the pool) and VROOOOM! Down she zips, fast as lightning. She landed not on her feet as usual but flat on her back, that's how quickly she zipped. Then she lay there, looking up at the sky and said, 'mama?' When she came in she had dirt all up her legs so I put her into the shower off the kitchen, thinking it'd be easy to just rinse her legs off. Oh no, she loved it! She wanted to stay in all day.




I think I'm starting to figure out this mothering thing. It's taken me 18 months. You read all the books, listen to everybody talk, ask the doctors, ask your parents & grandparents and friends but when it comes down to it playing your heart is what really matters, not perfection. Playing your heart is what you're after, when it's easy and especially when it feels impossible. Playing your heart when it's breaking and soaring, and hardest of all, I know, when it's both at the same time. It doesn't matter what everybody else says, or what they think, what the experts tell us, just play your heart.